Kimber Page 9

  “Anything can be forgiven if you choose to forgive.”

  “No. It’s better this way. I can’t imagine willingly opening myself up for heartache .”

  “Do what you think is necessary. Only you know what you need and what you can take. As for Leo, well; only time can tell with that one.”

  “You talk to him? Why do you even know each other?”

  Lena laughs, like there’s an inside joke I’m not privy to. “We have a mutual interest.”

  “None of this makes sense.” I feel aggravated.

  “Stop trying to understand the reason for why everything happens. You won’t find one. I know I haven’t. You’re young, the world is at your command. Make it what you want. As time passes any lingering emotions you have for Leo will dissipate.”

  “You sound like my mom used to when she would give me pep talks.” I say, saddened by the memory and thankful to feel a piece of her still with me.

  “She was good at it. Maybe that’s where I get it from.” Lena says with a dull smile. Now the pain shows on her face. The sadness she feels for the loss of her sister as she recalls a far away memory.

  As my visit with Lena ends, she asks one final thing of me. “You’d be wise to not go off into the world telling people your aunt is psychic. Take it from me. They’ll only think you’re crazy.”

  “I promise. It’s our secret.” I say while I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her tight. For the first time in months I say a silent prayer of thanks to still have someone in my life I can call family.

  With Lena and I both promising to keep in close contact I say my final goodbye and leave her standing in a beautiful open snow covered garden. I steal one last look at her and even though I’ll pay for it later, I allow myself to think it is my mother that waves back to me.

  Chapter Ten

  “HOW’D IT GO?” Luke asks standing inside the lobby.

  I keep my promise to Lena. Just thinking the words before I say them makes me feel ashamed for the preconceived notion I had when I walked into the facility.

  “She’s definitely where she needs to be.” I retort.

  Luke never asks another question about Lena as we spend the next four days in New York City. The less I have to lie to him about the more I can enjoy our mini vacation. Besides, is it considered a lie when the truth is hidden to protect family? What about tiny little white lies? They’re more like stretching the truth a little. So do they really count? Either way I don’t feel guilty.

  Considering all the time we have spent together, when we return home to Florida, Luke and I decide to give each other some breathing room. This way we can settle back into the swing of normal life and not become tired of one another. Even when you care about someone you need your own space.

  Our week away helped in building a strong foundation for our relationship but I need a little time for me. I need time to do what has been in the back of my mind for the past week. Now that I have some recollection of Leo my plan is simple. To search every inch of my house for one picture, card, anything that will help me better understand why he left me the way he did. Maybe it’s a pride thing but even if the truth kills me I need an answer to ease my mind. Maybe even cry a little. Get whatever it is out of my system in order to free myself.

  I look through every little nook and cranny. Upstairs and down. In the garage and up in the attic. I spend hours looking only to come up empty handed. By the end of my search I’m left feeling distraught and having more questions than I started out with. Clearly, Leo was meticulous in planning his escape. Nothing in, outside or around me shows any evidence of him. I hate that he’s left nothing behind and denied me everything.

  Weeks fly through my calendar. Eventually I’m unable to take the constant memories and reminders my home brings of the past and of my mother. So I sell it to a young married couple. Free of the walls that have bound me like a caged bird, I buy a condominium for myself near the beach.

  I make arrangements for my mother’s urn to be placed in a mausoleum. I tell myself it’s what she’d want. I know she isn’t really inside that urn and once I let it go, I find peace in her memory.

  The holidays fly by. I celebrate Christmas with Amber and her dad. I ring in the New Year downtown during First Friday with all my friends.

  Tiff and Tommy get back together, not a shocker. Tommy popping the big question however is an enormous surprise to everyone. No one saw that coming.

  Like promised, Lena and I write each other on a weekly basis.

  With so much going on in my life, the thoughts I used to have of Leo go from every minute to near nonexistent. Time passes so fast that before I even know it half a year has passed and the month of June is upon me. My birthday sits just days away. Unfortunately, with June here, I know that July will bring the first and certainly not the last of years to come that I will have to recall the dreadful day my life changed forever.

  I try not to focus on it. I put forth great effort to not think of how this year will be my first without my mother. How so many rituals that we used to share will go undone.

  Thank God for Luke. He reassures me that he is going all out for my nineteenth birthday and that all our friends have played a part in making it a birthday I will not forget.

  Rarely do I not see Luke for a whole twenty four hours but the days leading up to my birthday he stays very secretive. He only stops by if he’s in the area. Luke never could keep a secret from me. He’s usually very eager to give me anything if I ask, though I do not ask for nearly as much as he tries to give me. I know he stays away to insure his secret stays just that.

  The day before I celebrate my nineteenth birthday the girls and I take off to Tampa for a little pampering time. Much like I would have done to Luke, I press the girls for details of tomorrow’s events. Even they stay tight lipped.

  When given the chance Tiffany changes the subject to her upcoming wedding. I can’t blame her though. After all, it is the biggest day in a girl’s life. While enjoying our pedicures and manicures we discuss Tiffany’s wedding. Everything from flower arrangements, table settings, warm or dark colors, written vows or traditional, is discussed.

  After being pampered, we head over to International Mall. I beg the girls for some sort of clue for the proper birthday outfit.

  “Luke really didn’t tell us as much as you think Kimber.” Amber says while she flips through rack after rack of clothing.

  “Just relax and know that you’re going to have an awesome time.” Robin says with a smirk.

  “Fine! Just tell me if either one of these is appropriate.” I hold up two outfits. One is a strapless dress with a deep purple floral design and the other a short black mini cocktail dress with beading scattered on the front.

  “God! Neither.” Tiffany criticizes, peeking her head out of the changing room.

  I toss my hands in the air. “I give up.”

  “Give me your card.” Amber demands holding her hand out.

  “Why?”

  “You and Robin go grab a coffee or something. Tiff and I will take care of how to dress you.”

  I don’t question her. After all our years of friendship, I know the girls won’t disappoint me.

  “Happy Birthday!”

  “It’s not very happy when you call me at seven in the morning.” I mumble in a groggy state.

  “Every year you wish your birthday would last longer. Well the earlier you’re up the longer it lasts, right?”

  “You take me too literal.”

  “Alright grumpy. I’ll let you go but first can you get up and look outside your door?”

  “Why?” I whine not willing to move even if the Pope himself is waiting in the hallway with a birthday blessing.

  “I left you somethin’.”

  “Can’t you just tell me what it is?”

  “No, it’s a surprise.”

  “Fine.”

  I force myself out of bed, annoyed with Luke’s overzealous attitude this early in the morning. After fumbling with
the deadbolt, I finally get the door open. My unpleasant mood spikes as I see nothing awaiting me in the hallway. It’s not the fact that there is no gift or card. It’s the aggravation of having gotten up for nothing.

  I’m just about to slam the door shut when Luke jumps out of nowhere. The sight of him immediately changes my attitude. My tall, handsome, blue eyed, wide smiling boyfriend. My possible future stands before me holding exactly nineteen red roses. He greets me with a warm hug and compassion in his lips as they softly cover mine.

  “The roses are beautiful. Thank you!”

  “The roses are nothin’ compared to you.”

  I smirk and smack him on the arm. I can only imagine what I look like with bed head. I run off to the bathroom, brush my teeth, and pull my hair up.

  “Can I know what the big surprise for today is?” I ask walking back into the living room.

  “Nope. Not until we get there. I’ve tried very hard to keep this secret. So please don’t tempt me.”

  Seeing an opening and not very willing to wait any longer, I flash a seductive smile and attempt my best soft sexy voice. “Tempt you? Does this tempt you?” I say reaching up to his shoulders while kneading my hands through his hair.

  “Kimber.” He sighs.

  I don’t listen. I press my body against his. “Tempted?” I whisper and kiss him again.

  “In more ways than one.” He says enjoying my position a little more than I had expected him to. I feel the meaning of his words literally grow between us.

  Luke has waited so patiently for me. I know that I’m not his first girlfriend. I witnessed him go through girls in high school like they were a course for extra credit. I don’t care to know how many of those girls were notches on his belt.

  I can’t deny that whenever Luke and I do get close there is a part of me that aches for him in ways that are definitely sexual. I know it’s not easy for guys to go long periods without sex. At least that is what Tiffany tells me. Even though Luke acts like it doesn’t bother him I know it does. It isn’t the right time I’m looking for. I’m waiting for the emotions. I want to feel the same way for Luke as he feels for me. I cannot give myself to him physically when I’m still trying to give him a hundred percent mentally. I want our first time to be love not just sex.

  Not wanting to tease him more than I already have in the past few months I release him and step back.

  “Sorry.” I say feeling foolish.

  Luke reaches for my chin, guiding my eyes to meet his. “Don’t ever be sorry. You’ve already given me more than I deserve. Bein’ with you like this is all I need. All I want.”

  “I’m just not ready yet.” I say using the same excuse as always. I know that no matter how sweet or sincere his words are, it’s harder for him than he will ever allow me to believe.

  “I’m not goin’ anywhere Kimber. When you are ready, it’ll be an amazin’ experience.” He kisses my head. “Now on a lighter note, go get out of your pajamas. We’ve got somewhere to be.” I smile and run off to get ready.

  “Crap!” I yell out when I realize Amber has the outfit I am suppose to wear today.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Amber has my clothes.”

  “Oh yeah, I’m suppose to tell you she’s bringin’ ‘em. You can change when you get there.”

  How am I supposed to look cute if I show up wherever Luke is taking me wearing shorts and a tank top? I remind myself to have a little faith in Luke and Amber. I hope they fully understand how I can let something as simple as a wardrobe malfunction ruin my birthday. After all, if there is any day to be a diva it has to be one’s birthday.

  I shower, remembering to shave my legs and dress in black and turquoise sleeveless romper. I braid my hair to the side and step into black sandals. I give myself a final glance in the mirror and decide it will just have to do. Once I’m as ready as I can be, with butterflies swirling with anticipation in my stomach, Luke and I head out, officially starting the day.

  “A yacht!”

  “Do you like it?” Luke asks.

  The sight of the massive white yacht as we pull into the marina blows me away. Never in a million years would I have thought that this is what everyone was hiding from me.

  “Like it? I love it! Thank you! Thank you!” I can’t help but wiggle in my seat as I hold my face in my hands in disbelief.

  “We all chipped in to rent it for the day. I knew you wouldn’t expect it. I was a little worried ‘cause I didn’t know if you get sea sick or not.”

  “I guess we’ll find out. I’ve never been on one. I always thought these things were reserved for millionaires or superstars. I didn’t know you could just rent them.”

  Luke tries to hold back a laugh but fails. “Kimber, aren’t you part of that club?”

  I don’t respond. The money my mother left for me has not played a big role in my life. I don’t buy fancy things or take lavish vacations to faraway places. In fact, after I sold my home I put most of the money in the bank and set aside the rest for living expenses as Mr. Blake suggested I do. The two point six million dollars my mother left me just does not feel like mine.

  As Luke helps me onto the oversized yacht the sound of my friends screaming, “SURPRISE!” startles me so much so that my foot slips. Luke grabs me under my arms, steadying me.

  One by one, I thank everyone for the wonderful gift.

  “The yacht may be sweet but it’s where we’re taking this bad boy that’s really gonna start the party.” Tommy says while holding Tiffany close. They are as perfect together as any couple can be. The rebel, motorcycle stunt rider and his rule bending, kind hearted fiancé.

  “So spill it. Where are we going? Who’s driving this thing?” I look around for some sign of supervision.

  “Caption Gary is behind the wheel. As far as our destination, you’ll just have to wait and see.” Luke explains.

  Before I can question anything Amber pulls me by the arm into a bedroom on board. “Here’s your first outfit. Hope you like it!” She says before leaving me.

  From the bag, I pull a coral color bikini with fringe on top and a simple bottom that ties on both sides of my hips. Coral, my favorite color. I knew Amber wouldn’t disappoint. However, the ridiculous candle birthday hat that flies out of the bag with the bathing suit is a different story. It will not be seeing the light of day.

  Not wanting to miss any of the fun, I quickly change and head back up.

  “How do I look?”

  “Like you’re ready to party.” Amber replies.

  She takes my hand again and leads me up to the sun deck where everyone is. Luke’s reaction is the only one I look for as I emerge. Sure Luke has seen me in a bathing suit before but his expression is still one of awe.

  “Nice job.” He says to Amber who takes pride in her fashion sense by showing me off.

  “You’re welcome. She’s all yours now.” Amber lets me go as I make my way to Luke.

  We stay on the sun deck and the girls and I take turns standing on the bow, repeating the famous line from Titanic but replace King for Queen of the world. We dance and carry on until we finally reach international waters.

  “Let’s start the party!” Joel cries out.

  His red hair swooshes around his face from the ocean breeze. The sun threatens to turn his pale freckled torso into one nasty sunburn. He pulls a bottle of vodka from a cooler. The drinks start to flow and the day on the boat only continues to get better and better.

  Surrounded by the open water and my dearest friends, making new memories, feels amazing. It’s freeing to not be constricted by what confines us on land. The music is loud and the view is breathtaking. Hours pass like minutes. We sunbathe on the viewing deck before retreating into the lower cabin for a leisurely lunch.

  Maybe it’s the liquor or maybe it’s just the fact that I want some time alone with Luke. I wait until everyone goes back up on deck to take him by the hand and lead him away with me. The only spot I know we can be alone is the bedroom I used e
arlier. I lead him there. I make sure the door is locked before I turn to him and say, “I can’t thank you enough for giving me this day.”

  “Seein’ you happy is all I need.”

  Luke wraps me in his arms while walking me backwards until my legs hit the bed. I fall back onto it. I move my body up on the bed as Luke stands waiting. When I’m finally in the middle, Luke crawls slowly on top of me. He kisses me with love and passion. I can’t fight the strange erotic feeling that rushes through me. I feel an urgency of sorts to be as close to Luke as I can. He takes full notice of how close I am allowing him to be. How I am pressing him harder to me.

  “Kimber!”

  “Shhhh.”

  “Kimber, wait!” He effortlessly breaks himself free from my grasps. “We can’t do this. You’re not ready.” He says looking into my eyes.

  “This morning I wasn’t. Now I am.”

  “It’s not right. You’ve been drinkin’.”

  “Don’t question it Luke.” My heart knows he is right but my body will not listen. “Just relax.” I coax him back down to me. It’s only a matter of minutes before I can tell that he is as lost in the moment as I am.

  Throwing questions and reasons out, my fingers trace the lines of his chest as he scoops one hand under my back. I feel him gently motion for me to lift my back and I do without thinking. He pulls at the strings behind my back. I reach down, untie his board shorts and free the velcro beneath the strings. His mouth traces my shoulder as his free hand unties the strings behind my neck. I glide my hands down the ridges of his back and down to his board shorts, then shimmy them slowly over his hips.

  Suddenly he stops, lifts himself on to his forearms and with an unreadable expression and jagged breath says, “I love you.”

  My libido takes a plunge into sobriety. He nuzzles my neck but all I feel is all sorts of wrong.

  “Wait!” I whisper before his hands can go any further south.